There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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