i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
