Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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