you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
