how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
