i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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