I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
