you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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