After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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