Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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