so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
