So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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