the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
