I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
