a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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