Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
