That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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