theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
