12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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