My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
