remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
