I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize