my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
