some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize