I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
