I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
