it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
