the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize