I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
zippers are such a cool invention
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
