Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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