oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize