And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hippo gnu deer
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
