She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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