were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
