how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
