i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't deserve a penis
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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