dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im holly from the hills drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
