ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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