she woke up with a sticky ear
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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