well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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