does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
