My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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