I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
