respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
