Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
