So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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