Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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