he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
