Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
