Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my being single is dangerous.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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