My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
