Your tits are I can't wait for
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
