Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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