why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Someone signed my nipple.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
