I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
