it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
