No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
