I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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