last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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