so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
