you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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