used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
