I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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