Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
