Don't make out with my wife yet
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
