Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
