Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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