I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
