I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize