I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
