but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
