i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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